You know, if anyone should be depressed, it’s me. You seen the kinda trouble I get into. Heck, you maybe even get a few laughs at my expense. Go ahead, laugh. I know what you’re thinkin’—“Better you than me,” right? A buddy of mine says comedy is based on some other clown’s tragedy.

That’s okay. I don’t mind bein’ the guy whose foot always finds a banana peel. Thing is, you probably have people like me in your warehouse, DC or plant—people that life ain’t been good to and are feelin’ depressed. You better pay attention to ‘em ‘cause where there’s depression there’s cost in your future.

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You can be the smartest guy in the world, but go into a warehouse and, believe me, folks, the playin’ field gets flat pretty quick. This is a place where common sense trumps book learnin’. And sometimes common sense ain’t so common.

My mom always said I wasn’t the sharpest knife in her drawer, but I was always good for a laugh. I seem to get that a lot, even from people who aren’t my mom. But even I know there are some things you just don’t do.

You know those inflatable dunnage bags? They use ‘em in trailers and railcars to cushion loads. What do ya do on the receivin’ end when you’re done unloadin’ that stuff? Ya gotta deflate them bags o...Read More

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I may be a cartoon character, but I have feelings too. When Foster Apple responded to my first blog about the cartoonish situations logistics folks get themselves into, I was glad someone out there in the blogosphere was paying attention to me. Unfortunately, what he told me wasn’t very funny. His dad was electrocuted in an occupational accident a long time ago. Losing someone like that would make me lose my sense of humor. Foster didn’t.

He recognizes that in all tragedy, as in all comedy, there’s a lesson to learn. The stuff that happens to me may be pretty funny to you, but let me tell you, me getting sandwiched into a pallet load ain’t fun. Mr. Apple once saw a fellow employee run an electric pallet jack off a dock while hanging on to it, thinking he could stop it. He lived to tell the tale. And because he’s alive to tell it,...Read More

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If you read every issue of Modern like I do, you probably seen those "Imperfectly Frank" cartoons. I almost cancelled my subscription when they started printin’ ‘em. A buddy of mine even told me to sue. There’s gotta be somethin’ about invasion of privacy I could get these guys with.

I threatened the editors with that and they laughed in my face. I shoulda been insulted, but I guess I’m so used to people laughin’ at my face that laughin’ in it doesn’t make much difference. When they stopped laughin’ the editors said we could be performin’ a service with these little slices of my life. People could learn from my mistakes. I think they used the word “satire.” They also talked about some...Read More

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