I ain't Dilbert!

If you read every issue of Modern like I do, you probably seen those "Imperfectly Frank" cartoons. I almost cancelled my subscription when they started printin’ ‘em. A buddy of mine even told me to sue. There’s gotta be somethin’ about invasion of privacy I could get these guys with.

I threatened the editors with that and they laughed in my face. I shoulda been insulted, but I guess I’m so used to people laughin’ at my face that laughin’ in it doesn’t make much difference. When they stopped laughin’ the editors said we could be performin’ a service with these little slices of my life. People could learn from my mistakes. I think they used the word “satire.” They also talked about some guy named “Dilbert,” who they said is a big man in the comics because he takes on the “empty suits” running companies into the ground.

I bought in. They don’t call me Imperfectly Frank for nothin’. So go ahead, laugh in and at my face. But if you think I’m not real, you’re as ignorant as I am. There’s more dumb stuff goin’ on in workplaces all over the country than my stupid “cartoon” can cover. Heck, check out YouTube. If you type “Forklift accidents” into the search box, you’ll come up with more than 70 little videos inspired by stupidity. And that’s just forklifts.

That’s why Modern’s followin’ me wherever I go now. I’m a freakin’ reality show to them. That’s where they been getting’ those so-called “cartoons” they run every month. Go ahead, caption me. They’re payin’ me for my trouble. Maybe both of us’ll learn something while we’re at it.