Ya gotta love those pessimists at OSHA...

Believe it or not, I’m an optimist. Even with all the trouble I cause, somehow I survive to screw up another day. There’s a place for us in this world—if only to give the pessimists someone to laugh at once in a while.

There’s a place for pessimists too. They tend to be cautious busybodies, and anticipate all the bad stuff that can happen so they can guard against it.

OSHA’s a lot like that. They have to be pessimists so clumsy optimists like me can give them a purpose in life. But the pessies and the opties sure see things differently. Take lift trucks. I see a lift truck as a cool labor-saver. OSHA sees it as a trouble-maker. As pessimists, they gotta think of all the bad stuff that happens with lift trucks when optimists like me think of all the cool stuff they can do with them. When I’m on a lift truck, everything looks like a load. To the last OSHA inspector I crossed paths with, I was the only load around.

Don’t get me wrong, I like OSHA. Like I said, pessimists keep optimists alive. They’re just so doggon’ depressin’ about it. Listen how they set the stage for promotin’ their new eTool, available on their web site:

“The hazards commonly associated with powered industrial trucks vary depending on the vehicle types and the workplace where the truck is used. Each type of truck presents different operating hazards. For example, a sit-down, counterbalanced high lift rider truck is more likely than a motorized hand truck to be involved in a falling load accident, because the sit-down rider truck can lift a load much higher than a hand truck. Workplace conditions also present different hazards. For example, retail establishments often face greater challenges than other worksites in maintaining pedestrian safety.”

Geez, guys, fallin’ loads, fallin’ pedestrians, you’d think we was workin’ in a war zone. Well, people do tend to duck a lot when I’m around. Maybe they got somethin’ there.

Pessimists also like lawyers. Ya know all that legal copy ya see in ads for those new wonder drugs? I think those guys are workin’ for OSHA. Get a load of this:

“Note: This eTool is intended as a resource for providing training under OSHA’s Powered Industrial Truck standard. This eTool focuses on powered industrial trucks commonly used in general industry. It is not a substitute for any of the provisions of the Occupational Safety and Health Act of 1970, for the powered industrial truck standard, or for any other OSHA standards. It is also not a substitute for a powered industrial truck operator training program.”

OK, I got it, I got it. Geez, what nerds. They’re good guys though. Take a look at this eTool thingy. Maybe it’ll protect you from optimists like me.